2 Samuel 13

Vs. 1-16, Absalom and Amnon..

Now David's sin starts coming home. But, as we noticed in ch 12, these boys were spoiled rotten. I don't know why in the world David, "The man after God's own heart," did not train up his kids proper. Maybe he was too busy fighting wars or serving God or... It just doesn't make sense because he did train his children proper after his fall with Bath.

The only thing I can think of would be that he had walked close enough to the Lord before this time (ch. 12) that he only got the mercy and blessing and victories from the Lord. Then, maybe because he only saw the positive Side of the Lord, he may have thought the Lord would train his boys for him. So he left their training up to the Lord as he allowed them to do their own thing.

This chapter probably takes place when Amnon, David's firstborn (3:2) was about 20. Did this take place before or after the birth of Solomon? Hard to say. Probably right around the time of his birth.

What if David had trained these boys different, Amnon and Absalom? Would this have taken place?

Notice some things here:

1) Amnon was drawn by Tamar's beauty.
David was drawn by Bath's beauty.
Those who are beautiful outwardly have more to worry about than those who aren't.

2) Amnon's lust was an unlawful: for his sister.
David's lust was an unlawful one: for his neighbour's wife.

3) Amnon's corrupt nature desired forbidden fruit.
David's corrupt nature desired forbidden fruit.

V. 3, Notice Jonadab = Jah is liberal. I wonder if this meant liberal like modern day Christians who are against God's law. God is love, or under grace not law; therefore, they do not feel bound by the law. Jonadab said, "Do as you please, you are the king's son, and all things are now lawful for you." Today the enemy tells the child of God, "You are saved, so now all things are lawful for you."

4) Amnon covered his evil desires with lies.
David covered his evil design with lies and murder; tried to anyway.

5) King David heard about Amnon and was wroth, but did nothing.
King Jesus, the Lord, heard about David and was wroth, but He took action.

V. 4, Jonadab said, why art thou, being the king's son, lean from day to day? David's oldest son was Amnon; therefore, he was heir to the crown, but his desire was unlawful. Evil desires should be dealt with, not indulged. Money and wealth did not make Amnon happy because Amnon was controlled by his lust. Like his father, David, his lust controlled him and he enjoyed the pleasure of sin for a season. But satisfied lust will not last. The world of our day is controlled by lust, but lust can never be satisfied.

We are sons of the King and joint heirs with Christ. There is no reason for us to be sad from day to day, but Amnon had plenty of reasons. Even the king's palace will not make one happy without the King of kings. Read Proverbs and Ecc and we will see how David learned from Amnon and Absalom and then taught Solomon what he learned.

V. 5, and Jonadab said:
Here we have evil advice given and Amnon followed and paid with his life.

1) We hear sermons about the evil fried of Amnon, Jonadab, but we preach that evil advice only works when someone is wanting to do evil. If Amnon had not been controlled by lust, Jonadab would not have offered his advise, nor would he had found a listening ear if he did offer his advise.

2) There is always someone around to advise how to pursue one's evil desires. It is far easier to get evil advise than good advise.

3) Here also we see David's sins of his youth coming back.
The Lord had sent Gad to tell David to go to the land of Juda, 1 Sam 22:5. Rather than listening to Gad, David's men advised him differently, 23:3. David followed his men's advise over what the Lord had told him to do. The result was that he had to flee from Saul for years when he didn't have to, if he would only have stayed in Judah where God told him to stay.

David's willingness to follow bad advise which appealed to what he wanted to do starts coming home in his children. The thought we are continually confronted with is, WOULD IT HAVE IF HE HAD TRAINED HIS KINDS RIGHT? I believe the promises of God can overcome the sins of men if men will only lay hold on them and meet their conditions.

4) Could it be that the area the parents have a problem in is blind to them; therefore, they are unable to train in that area properly? The result is that their kids have a weakness there.

Pro 28:13, 14, and many other passages are promises we can claim if we will but do it. This situation here with Amnon and Jonadab is very close to the one of the first problems David had.

5) Amnon had a friend.. and the friend advised him how he could fulfill his own lustful desires. If we have a friend who has suggestions of how we can fulfill lustful desires, we had better flee, part company like Joseph did from Potipher's wife.

What did Solomon say? Teach our kids, "My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not..
Start, August 16, 1992

Vs. 6, 7.
David here was blind to any evil design. Did God close David's eyes and mind to the evil as David's sin comes home.

V. 8, Tamar was an ideal daughter.

1) the king's daughter
2) very beautiful
3) very well dressed
4) well mannered, would not go to Amnon unless the King sent her, and then she went with no complaint.
5) not spoiled, she could cook.
6) pure, and acted pure because her modesty stood as a barrier between her and Amnon's lust.

And so it does today. The best protection an attractive woman has is her modest appearance.

7) she was not proud and lifted up; she was humble and willingly helped where she could. Evidently, she was a Pro 31 type of woman.

8) Notice that she even offered herself to Amnon legally, if such a thing were possible. Of course, the law would not allow it.

9) V. 13, The king will not withhold me... this statement sure doesn't speak well for David.

10) V. 12, probably most important, Tamar knew and respected the law.

She was a pure girl and looked upon Amnon as having only pure motives, even when she found herself alone in his bedroom. Might mention here that the Jewish Doctors of the law say that as a result of this there was a law passed that a young man and young lady could never be left alone together.

Of course, there is a problem with that: laws never solve the problem. Amnon would have found a way around such a law, even if his friend had to remain in the room with him. Laws only hold the lawless in check, they do not change the desires. The lawless will find ways to corrupt the best laws.

Vs. 14, 15.
This verse proves that lust is not love, and they are at times very hard to tell apart. This is the problem with the vast majority of marriages today; they marry on lust, they promise the moon to each other based on lust and when the lust is satisfied then it turns to hate and they head for the divorce court.

The reason can be traced back to the parents who don't teach their children that marriage is forever or the difference between lust and love. Maybe they are to busy pursuing the god of this world, mammon, money. Check Prov for a full treatment of this as David teaches Solomon as a result of his wickedness.

The sin here with Amnon lay at David's doorstep. To a very large extent, the modern sin of bad marriages lies with the parents, but the children are, of course, responsible. David should have not spoiled his kids, but that does not excuse Amnon.

As I think on this passage, I am impressed how God uses even the ungodly things like this for His glory. We benefit from what happened with David and Bath, then with what happened with Amnon and Tamar because as a result David got his priorities right. Now we have written instructions so our own kids don't have to go through this. David instructed Solomon, and Solomon instructs us through Proverbs.

Vs. 18, 19.
Tamar has no choice but to make this public outcry or she would have appeared to be willing in the situation.

Also, this verse shows us that rape should not be kept secret or the impression will be that the girl will be viewed as willing in the assault.

V. 20, Hath Amnon been with thee?
This sounds like this rascal was well known for taking advantage of girls as he did here. Absalom should not have murdered him, but I can't say as I'm sorry he did. His dad should have cast him out of the nation, Lev. 20:17. And if this had happened before, the boy should have been dealt with as incorrigible.

V. 21, But David didn't...
Could it be because he loved Amnon as the firstborn?
Could it be because of the memory of Bath?

I find it strange that the very man who could write so much about how he loved the law of God could hold it in so little regard.

Jer 31:33; 2 Cor 3:3, This should make us even more thankful for the grace of God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Under the new covenant, the law is written in the heart. The Spirit of God works in us to give to us the desire and power to please Him. He does not enable us to do as Amnon and Absalom did with immunity, but He frees us from the desire to do as they did. Too many Christians expect to be able to rape and murder and still go to heaven with God's blessings.

Praise the Lord for the law now written on the heart that the OT saints did not have. Praise the Lord for the grace to live above the sin of the flesh that drove Amnon and David to do their wicked deeds, and the hate that drove Absalom to murder his brother.

All through the OT, we see that it is only by the mercy of God that anyone is used by the Lord, and the Lord uses people just like us. They have the same weaknesses which we have.Same weaknesses and problems, Ps. 8. & Ps. 103:14; 1 Cor 10:13.

God uses us out of His mercy.

No wonder David could write so much about the mercy of the Lord.
God used David out of His mercy.
David inherited God's promise of mercy.
If God uses us, it won't be for any reason but for His mercy's sake.
David did not deserve God working through him any more than we do. He was only a man.

V. 22,
Absalom hated his brother, but this was not a godly hatred. This hatred caused Absalom to plan the vengeance himself, rather than leave vengeance in the hands of the Lord. This hatred of his brother was murder in the sight of the Lord.

But I would rather have someone hate me as to have someone murder me. "Well, we need to let our feelings out in the open." No, we don't. We need to submit them to the Lord.

V. 23
It took 2 years, but what we are will come out. Bitterness and hatred, no matter how well it may be covered up, will come out. It is to be confessed as sin and submitted to the Lord.

Start, August 23, 1992

V. 24-36.
Absalom was the second oldest son, Amnon was the oldest son: keep this in mind.

Absalom asked David his dad, to come to the harvest feast. His dad said no, so Absalom prevails upon the king to allow the other sons to go, including Amnon. David at first says no, but under pressure allows Amnon and the other sons to go.

Now, Amnon here is probably about 22-25, and still single. One good thing before we look at the bad: Even at this age of 25 or so, as long as the boys were single, they recognized the authority of the father. It wasn't until they established their own families that they separated from their dad's authority.

Observe 11 or 12 things here:

1) Absalom's hatred was well hid for 2 years. David had no reason to suspect anything as Absalom lies to him.
David lied to Achis, the king of the Philistines.
Amnon had lied to David also to get him to send Tamar in to him.

Could it be because of David's lies in the past that he now has a problem recognizing others lying to him?

2) Absalom orders his servants to kill Amnon.
David ordered his servants to kill Uriah.
Amnon orders his servants out so he could rape his sister, then to throw her out and bolt the door.

3) Also in Absalom killing Amnon we see him playing the part of judge of Amnon's sin. David should have seen that Amnon was judged properly, but he didn't.

Everyone knew about David not passing judgment on Amnon his oldest son, because Tamar had made it very public in rending her garments. For 2 years the people had waited to see if sentence against the evil work of Amnon would be executed, and it wasn't.

15:3-5, Absalom used this very thing to win the hearts of the people from his dad, which we will see when we get there.

The people knew what Amnon had done.
The people knew that the king did not deal with the evil, so David hung his own self.
The people also knew that Absalom had taken matters into his own hands and acted as Judge.

Remember now, for 2 years Absalom had put on a good front. Only Absalom and the Lord knew about the hatred; everyone else thought Absalom and Amnon were getting along fine.

13:22, Absalom had said NOTHING about the matter as though it was over with and forgotten. In this murder then the appearance would be of Absalom being "called of God" to execute the judgment against Amnon in the people's eyes. Absalom did what David should have seen done in the matter with the wicked boy, Amnon; therefore, Absalom's actions probably exalted him in the people's eyes. Maybe some of their daughters had experienced the same treatment as Tamar did at Amnon's hands.

The impression from 15:3-6 is that the people viewed Absalom after this matter as more righteous than his father. Did they say, "Look at Absalom, his dad the king wouldn't pass judgment on his son Amnon, but Absalom, even though he "loved" his brother, was willing to execute the correct judgment." (No one knew of the hate except Absalom, the Lord and Jonadab.)

4) When Absalom kills Amnon, he removes the first born from contention for David's throne. Absalom is now the next in line.

5) David only makes matters worse by not seeing that justice is carried out against Absalom. He did not bring him to justice for the murder of Amnon. By not executing justice against Absalom, David condoned his actions.

6) David was very concerned about justice concerning every one except his own household. I think this shows us a couple of things.


A) The hardest place to enforce godly standards in our home. And it is the most important place to enforce God's law.

B) By not enforcing God's standards in his family, David moves closer to the overthrow of his throne. When God's low is ignored in the home, all of society will be overthrown by the ungodliness from the home.

I think it if doubtful that David would have had the people's support if he would have tried to render righteous judgment against Absalom. The people knew what went on; they knew what Amnon did and David's inaction in the matter. They knew what kind of a boy Amnon was and how Absalom helped his sister by providing for her after Amnon's actions. The public feelings and opinions would have probably been on Absalom's side.

The people were probably glad to see Absalom do what he did. Tamar would have been well liked and Absalom did what many people would have liked to do. There would have been public feeling against David for not dealing with Amnon. It was one of the king's responsibilities to see that justice was rendered in these kind of situations.

David, a man after God's won heart, had a problem seeing the truth about his kids. How much more of a problem will we have?

"Amnon has ruined too many young girls. Really took advantage of all he could, 13:20. I'm glad that he finally got his; he had it coming. Too bad that the king could not see it."

Also in this passage we get an insight into the personality of the two boys, Amnon and Absalom. Absalom was shearing sheep and Amnon was living of his dad. The people knew what was going on: "Absalom is such a hard working young man, (he was shearing his sheep, Amnon was home taking it easy during the sheepshearing time, 23-27) gets along with everyone. He may have done wrong, but I just like that young man."

In 15:3-6, Absalom promised the people something that David hadn't delivered in his own family, justice. Same as politicians do today. Whoever promises the most of what the people want to hear, wins.

David cut his own throat when he did not deal with Amnon because I think that everyone knew he Amnon was a worthless fellow, 13:20.

(People will not turn against leaders unless they want to. People leave a church because they want to, not because someone influences them to.)

David's sin with Bath caused him to overlook Amnon's sin and the result was Amnon's murder and Absalom's rebellion. God didn't have to "lift a finger," just allowed the natural course of events occurs.

Only by God's grace does He open our eyes to see the problems which need to be dealt with so that we do not reap the same results as did David.

Praise the Lord for His mercy. I had to jump over and read 23:1-7, David's praise to God after this mess.

7) Absalom kills Amnon away from home. Absalom drew Amnon out of the safety of the king's house.
David kills Uriah by seeing that he is drawn out from the safety of the army.

The devil must get us out from the safety of the word of God before he can slay us. He is very effective at doing just that.

8) Absalom uses a secret conspiracy to kill Amnon.
David kills Uriah with a secret conspiracy.

9) Absalom kills Amnon over a woman, Tamar.
David kills Uriah over a woman, Bath.

10) Absalom uses wine (v. 28) to cover his sin.
David used wine to try to cover his sin, 11:13.

11) Both David and Amnon were loafing when they fell.

There are probably many more parallels between the two events, and these are not in order. These are a chain of events rooted in David's sin with Bathsheba, but they are really a result of David not passing judgment on Amnon.

The greatest danger for society of all ages is the fact that the law of God is not enforced it the home.


If David had judged Amnon, then it would have taken the wind out of Absalom. A true judgment against Amnon's sin by David would have pacified Absalom, but of course, David could not because of the living proof of his sin with Bath right in his own house.. It is impossible to judge something in the lives of others, which we allow in our own lives.

We cannot correct wicked reading material in others, if we read the same thing.
The man who smokes can preach against smoking to his kids until the stars fall, but they will smoke and do what he does.
A man can tell his kids of the importance of going to church, but when he works, camps, vacations or allows things to interfere with his faithfulness, he is wasting his breath.
A man can tell his children of the importance of priorities until they are grown and gone, but unless he has the proper priorities, he is wasting his breath.

Many times the parent will blame the school, church or society for the kids wrong priorities and attitudes, but the kids will reflect the parents attitude toward the world, flesh and the devil... and toward the Lord and His service.

I have felt the sting of more than one parent who has blamed the church for their own personal faluer in their home. I can not count the parents who have expressed to me their desire that their grown children would serve the Lord, yet the parents themselves will not faithfully do what they know they should do.

It is so much easier to blame others for one's failure, but the kids know and the Lord knows the truth in the matter.

Notice, Gal 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Then we have Pro 22:6, Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

We seem to have a contradiction of thought here, so what do we have?

Whatever we allow in our homes will control our children.

1) Because of David's sin with Bath, he allowed Amnon's sin with his sister, Tamar. If David had dealt with the sin, Absalom would not have done what he did when he killed his brother, Amnon.

A) Absalom would not have been able to lead the people in rebellion against his dad, King David.
B) David would not have had to flee from his rebellious son, Absalom.

Absalom's rebellion did not happen overnight. Maybe David's attitude was, "He'll grow out of his rebellion." Or, "It's just a stage he is going through." (These are common excesses for rebellion in kids, but Absalom and Amnon 20-25 here.)

There can be no excuse for rebellion in the children because there is no excuse in the word of God for rebellion. We as parents must live consistent godly lives before our children, or we can expect the same kind of children as Amnon and Absalom, David's two sons.

Vs. 30-39

V. 30, Absalom kills Amnon.

V. 32, Jonadab was a wicked young man (name means Liberal). He went whichever way the wind was blowing. Notice that he knew for 2 years what Absalom was planing to do.

V. 37, David mourns for his son Absalom, and not over his dead son Amnon.

V. 39, instead of desiring to see justice done to Absalom (Absalom was a murderer), David desires to be reunited with him. His personal desire over the word of God, cost David the kingdom in a few years. He welcomes Absalom back without Absalom having to face the results of his wicked deed. Absalom then takes the kingdom from David.

If it were not for the fact that the word of God doesn't say so, you would think that David loved his sons more than he loved the Lord. The Lord said this about Eli and Samuel; both honoured their sons more than they did the Lord. But the Lord does not say that about David.

Sin in our homes is the most difficult of all things there is to deal with. And the toleration of sin in our homes is the most deadly thing there is in a society.

Notice here also what Absalom did. He fled all the way out of the land of Israel for safety. Would this indicate that David could have judged him as a murderer and still been OK in the eyes of the people?


Judge everything according to righteous judgment (word of God), regardless of our personal feelings, sins of the past or relationships. God knows and remembers that we are but dust and shows grace and mercy accordingly. But as the "dust" produces what is sown in it, so do we. If wa only allow righteous judgment , then there will be fruit of righteousness.

Whatever we do, let us not be guilty of excusing sin in our children with, "It is just a stage they are going through," or, "They'll grow out of their rebellion." No, it needs to be dealt with for what it is, SIN. And when the parent allows a child back, as David did Absalom, without repentance on the child's part, only heartache and evil can come of it.